This is not a joke. I don’t make jokes anymore, nor would you if you had made the same mistake I made. Oh, I’ve made more than one in my life, but this last most recent, or yet to be mistake is the one that has inconvenienced me the greatest. I graduated from M.I.T., let’s see it will be five hundred years from now next month. I’m sorry if you’re confused, but please bear with me. What I have to say is very important.
What? No, the fate of the world doesn’t hang in the balance. Why would you think that? If the fate of the world hung in the balance, if a week or a month from now civilization was going to collapse why would I come mere days before the impending doom? I’d go much farther back, but that’s not why I’m here. The world is actually moving along rather nicely, and it’s getting better each day, I promise. You just don’t’ see it because you’re in the middle of it all. I assure you, there are many bright sunrises and sunsets in your future.
On that note, however, I should probably suggest, and it’s only a suggestion that you stay in doors the first week of August next year.
Now, where was I? Oh yes, as you may have intuited I am a time traveler…. Do I have evidence? NO, and please don’t ask me for the winning lottery numbers. Do you remember the winning lottery numbers from five centuries ago? Well, neither do I. I didn’t come here to make money, but to make history, if you’ll pardon the expression.
What? NO, we already discussed this. It’s not that important, but it is important to me. If you could, please stop interrupting it would mean a great deal. This is the problem with the primitive mind. You people can’t focus on one thing for more than a moment or two.
I’m sorry if you’re insulted, but in my century people do not take offense at the truth, even when it is directed at them. Now, may I continue?
Thank you. The problem with time is that, like a river it moves in one direction. This does not mean that we cannot move against the current. Like the salmon that swim upstream to spawn we too can choose to swim upriver, but we should be mindful of the consequences.
No, I do not mean that I could inexorably change the future if I step on a butterfly. Where do you people get your science from, a Ouija board? Where was I, oh yes. Salmon die at the fountain head. Of course they spend their last moments in a frothy fit of passion, but they are fish after all, and I’m not sure they really enjoy themselves.
Time travel also has consequences.
We always knew that time travel was possible, or should I say IS possible, but that if one is going to do it they need to take certain precautions. I could go on at great length about the movement of the earth around the sun, the sun through the galaxy, and the galaxy through the universe. The math is far beyond your rather limited abilities, so let me suffice by saying this planet is moving along at just under one and half million miles per hour.
Time travel moves a person through time only, so if you’re going to do it you have to put the other end of the portal at the right coordinates or you’ll be breathing vacuum, which even you should know is impossible and like most impossible things, has lethal consequences.
But that isn’t what I’m talking about. We have computers the size of a grain of sand, smaller actually, that can do the math so fast they have the answer before you ask the question. It’s a quantum thing that you wouldn’t understand. The math isn’t important. In the end, it all boils down to one simple fact.
If you build a time machine, don’t do as I did. Go forward young man, for you see, it doesn’t come with you.